


a little bit of magic (a whole lot of love)

by nanasbyulie



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Confessions, Friends to Lovers, Love Potion/Spell, M/M, Magic, Mutual Pining, Pining, University, Witches, hello jaemin how clueless are you my dear?, hint of chenji if you squint?, jaemin gives jeno a love potion, jeno doesn't act any different
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:02:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29728044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanasbyulie/pseuds/nanasbyulie
Summary: In which Na Jaemin finally snaps after being in love with his best friend Lee Jeno for years, and decides to slip Jeno a love potion. Only Jeno's still acting the exact same way around him after.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 21
Kudos: 270





	a little bit of magic (a whole lot of love)

Renjun doesn't think it's a good idea. Jaemin is in no mood to listen to Renjun.

"I mean," Renjun says, then sighs, "You _are_ paying me. I still think you should just take the plunge and confess instead of resorting to cop out ways."

Jaemin frowns. "I've been very obvious," he says, "Jeno could've easily noticed if he had the same feelings."

"And so you're now basically plotting to force those feelings on him if he doesn't have them?" Renjun asks. Jaemin cringes at the way it sounds, but he still nods his head resolutely.

"It wears off in a week," he says, "If Jeno steps out of that week and realizes he still doesn't have feelings for me, I'll willingly let him go. But I want him to at least give it a try. I'm— I'm _tired_ of holding out Renjun. Even if it breaks my heart later, I'll have a concrete reason to move on."

Renjun sighs, pushing the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he adds ingredients to the bubbling cauldron in front of him. "I guess," he says, after adding some rosemary, "I understand it from your point of view, Nana, but I just don't like the idea of both you and Jeno getting hurt. You know Jeno's pretty dense. I don't know, maybe he has feelings for you that he hasn't realized."

Jaemin shrugs. "We'll know whatever the outcome is in a week, anyways."

Renjun sighs again, but he smiles softly at his friend. "Fair enough." And in another thirty minutes, he's asking Jaemin to prick his finger and add a drop of blood to the cauldron. The potion smells heavily of peaches and roses — a combination _so very_ Jaemin and _so very_ potent that Renjun has to step back for a second, eyes watering and throat gagging. He looks up at Jaemin.

" _Jesus_ ," he mutters, "Just how many feelings have you repressed from Jeno? That potion is so strong."

Jaemin shrugs. "Seven years."

Renjun's eyes widen. " _Seven years_?" Jaemin laughs at his incredulity.

"Not all at once, of course, Renjun," he says, "But slowly and surely. It's hard not to fall for Lee Jeno, especially when you've been attached to the hip with him since you were two."

Renjun doesn't say much after that, and Jaemin realizes that the boy genuinely did not know how deep Jaemin's feelings for Jeno ran. Lee Jeno's not the only boy Jaemin's had a crush on. He's dated a couple of people in the last seven years too, and genuinely cared for them. But somehow, his compass always pointed him north, and his north pointed to Jeno. His (0,0,0,0). Jeno was the center of Jaemin's universe, and all Jaemin was, was a satellite that couldn't leave Jeno's orbit, neither get close. Close, but never _close enough_.

The love potion was his only way to break out of the orbit, become a blazing meteorite, crash head first into Jeno. _Fuck Newton_. He was going to get rid of the safe distance and hope they attracted, like a negative ion to a positive. And if they didn't — well, Jaemin didn't want to think of that consequence.

"Here," Renjun says, breaking him out of his thoughts, pressing a small vial into his hand. Subconsciously, Jaemin presses down on the cork at the top as Renjun talks, trapping the smell of peaches and roses from escaping. "You don't need the entirety of it," he says, "Unless it's really unresponsive. Don't come asking me for more, that vial is the tipping point."

Jaemin nods. "It's good to have a witch as a friend," he says with a laugh, "How much do I owe you Junnie?"

Renjun cocks his head and looks at Jaemin. "Promise me you'll be okay regardless of whatever happens at the end of the week?"

Jaemin smiles. "In time, if not immediately," he promises. Renjun nods. "That's all you owe me then, Nana," he says with a smile, and after a moment's hesitation, wraps his hands loosely around Jaemin's neck, "I hope it works out for you. It's been long enough, you deserve it."

.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

Jaemin hasn't exactly thought through how he was going to slip the potion to Jeno. The smell of peaches and roses is almost intoxicating, so he can't just put it into a coffee and expect Jeno not to be suspicious. _It had to be that combination_ , Jaemin thinks, _if it had to smell like things I love, why couldn't it smell like coffee?_

But Jaemin knows the answer to that question too. Because as much as he likes his coffee, Jaemin loves peaches and roses for very distinct reasons. Very distinct reasons both involving Lee Jeno.

"—ove you,"

Jaemin's head snaps up, and he winces as he hears the click where his neck meets his shoulder. "Huh?"

Jeno gives him a quizzical look. Jaemin stares. Jeno looks beautiful today too, with his oversized black hoodie matching his hair falling to his forehead, covering the top of his round spectacles. And then Jeno's smiling and Jaemin's stomach erupts in those annoying butterflies again and he almost keels over. You'd think he'd be used to Jeno's soft eye smile having known the boy for twenty years now, and yet, it still manages to sent a flurry of motion at the pit of Jaemin's stomach and he knows he's done for.

"I said," Jeno says, this time calmly vocalizing each syllable, "You need to stop walking in the middle of the hallway, unless you want someone to shove you."

"Oh," Jaemin mutters, and his cheeks burn. His brain had reached a completely different conclusion, drawn from the last wisp of words he'd heard, and his heart had just about leapt out of his ribcage.

Jeno softly wraps his fingers around Jaemin's wrist and pulls him aside, so that they're now walking along the right side of the hallway, away from accidentally bumping into someone. Jaemin's skin burns where Jeno's fingers are touching him.

"Nana, are you okay? You've been spaced out all morning," Jeno mutters, and then his fingers are unwrapping themselves from Jaemin's wrist — and Jaemin almost reaches out to hold him back — but then he presses the palm against Jaemin's forehead instead, "Are you sick?"

Jaemin coughs, masking the way his heart rate is shot abnormally high in a matter of milliseconds again, and slowly pries Jeno's hand off his forehead. "I'm okay," Jaemin says, "I was just—"

And then a light bulb goes off in his brain, and subconsciously, he halts in place, making Jeno do a double take as he stops walking and turns around to look back at Jaemin. He looks concerned.

"Jaem?"

"I was just thinking I really want to go to Boosters," Jaemin says, completing the words he'd left to the wind, "I'm craving their peach smoothie _so much_."

"You want to skip out on Starbucks to go to Boosters?" Jeno asks, clearly surprised, but Jaemin knows Jeno never fails to indulge him, and so, he nods vigorously.

"I don't know why," he says in an attempt to make himself more believable, "I think my mom mentioned peaches in the morning and it's been stuck in my head that I want some."

Jeno smiles. "Okay then," he says, giving in immediately like he always does, "Let's go to Boosters."

Jaemin smiles, and lets Jeno guide them through the courtyard to the Boosters right outside the school. "You know," Jeno says, gaze still trained on the road, "This just reminds of that time our school trip went to harvest peaches. It's almost like you had a sudden awakening that you loved them that day, fifteen years into your existence."

Jaemin sucks in a breath, not quite sure what to reply. He did very much have a sudden awakening on that day, an awakening that has left him reeling for the seven years since. But the awakening wasn't that he loved peaches. In fact, Jaemin knew that if they'd gone apple picking, he might as well have been this attached to apples. No, the awakening had nothing to do with peaches, it had everything to do with the boy he'd picked the peaches with. The shudder that shook his smile when Jeno's arm had grazed across his waist, the way he felt intoxicated when he accidentally stumbled over and managed to pull both himself and Jeno to the ground, the way Jeno wrapped his hands around Jaemin to prevent him from hitting the ground. It had everything to do with how Jeno had refused to let go of his hand because he was afraid Jaemin would fall over again, and Jaemin had just helplessly listened to the drag of his heart beating over, and over, and over again, whispering the same words into his arteries like a prayer. _Jeno, Jeno, Jeno_.

That day, with the air intoxicated with the smell of ripe peaches and spring breeze and flacked by green fields all around them, was the first time Na Jaemin realized what Lee Jeno really meant to him. How dangerous Lee Jeno was to his heart. How Jaemin was definitely not walking out of this one unscathed.

In the present, Jaemin chuckles nervously. "Guess I did," he mutters. Jeno doesn't notice the shift in tone, his lips still pulled up in a lovely, nostalgic smile.

Boosters has a line that day. It usually always does, but it's particularly long today. Jeno cocks his head. "You don't have class for an hour, right?" He asks Jaemin, who nods.

"I'll get in line," Jaemin says, "You get us a table, yeah? I don't think all the tables are occupied, since most people take their drinks to go.

"I can wait in line, Nana," he argues, looking at how far the queue goes, and then back at Jaemin. Oh, lovely, _lovely_ Jeno.

"Are you insinuating I can't stand this long?" Jaemin asks, cocking his eyebrow. He knows Jeno isn't. He's just a sweetheart. He's always offered to do the harder stuff for Jaemin. It's another one of the things about Jeno that Jaemin adores so much. But as sweet as it is, Jaemin needs to be in the one in line this time.

Jeno shakes his head immediately. "Of course not, Nana," he says, "I was just—"

He pauses, and Jaemin almost laughs. There's no other reason that Jeno could possibly come up with, because Jaemin has hit the nail on the head. Jeno does think he'll be better at standing in line than Jaemin, and he's just looking out.

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it, Jeno-yah," he says, laughing when Jeno looks at him, eyes confused and soft. He looks like a lost puppy, and Jaemin swallows the urge to wrap his hands around his neck and kiss him on the spot. "I'll be fine," he continues, "You go get us a table. You'll also get the peach, right?"

Jaemin doesn't quite know what he'll say if Jeno says no. To his relief, Jeno nods, his eyes still holding the dazed look from before, and he walks away, muttering something under his breath. Jaemin catches something that sounds eerily akin to _pretty_ , but he shrugs that off. His brain and ears have been working overtime to make his heart leap out of his chest today, he doesn't quite believe in either.

It takes him a full twenty five minutes before he's at the ordering booth. "Hi!" the boy behind the counter says with a little wave, and Jaemin commends him from being this cheerful despite the steady flow of customers he's been dealing with, "What can I get you today?"

"Hey, uh," Jaemin look's at the boy's name tag and then beams at him, "Chenle! Can I get two sma— no medium peach smoothies?"

Chenle nods, punching his order into the machine. "That'll be three thousand won! Do you have a student card? That'll get you a five percent discount!"

Jaemin smiles, passing over his student card and credit card to the boy, and Chenle, taps them on the machine one after the other, and hands Jaemin his receipt.

"Jisung'll hand you your drinks there once he's done making them," he says brightly, pointing Jaemin to the pick up counter, "Have a lovely day!"

Jaemin waves at Chenle before walking over to the pick up counter, each step heavier than the previous. He's going to do this. He's actually about to do this. His fingers clutch against the vial that's stuffed in the pocket of his hoodie, fingers pressing into the cork at the top.

"Order up!"

Jaemin looks up at the lanky boy at the pick up counter, and his eyes are scanning the area. "Two medium peach smoothies?"

Swallowing the panic that rises to his throat, Jaemin walks up, giving the boy — Jisung, he presumes — a weak smile. "That's me."

Jisung smiles at him, pushing both the cups out. "Let me grab you two straws," he says, pulling out a purple and pink one, and sliding those across as well. "Enjoy!"

"Thanks," Jaemin says, trying to sound bright, but it comes out more as a terrified squeak. Jisung smiles back at him nonetheless. Shifting a little away from the counter, Jaemin stabs a straw each into the cups — purple for Jeno and pink for Jaemin. He pulls out the matching purple liquid in his pocket, and stares at it for a second. Renjun had told him that he might not need the whole thing . . . but he did say it was okay to use the whole thing. And so, without thinking, Jaemin opens the top of Jeno's cup, and pours the whole vial in. The smell of peaches intensifies, mixing with the hint of roses, and Jaemin hopes this doesn't change the taste of the juice enough to raise suspicions.

Feeling the back of his hair tingle, Jaemin looks up. Only to find Jisung staring between him and Jeno's drink. Jaemin flushes. "This isn't — it's not drugs," he promises. Jisung shakes his head, and smiles. "No judgement here, anything that helps you survive college. That just looked," and then he looks over to Chenle for a brief second before he looks back at Jaemin, licking his lips before speaking again, "Very familiar, is all."

"Oh," Jaemin says, wondering if Jisung's actually seen — or used — a love potion. But he doesn't really want to have that conversation, not when he's teetering on the edge of his confidence, and so he just gives Jisung a small smile. "I guess."

And then he's stuffing the empty vial back into his pocket and securing the lid onto Jeno's cup, and skittering away from the counter. Jaemin's eyes rake over the small interior, landing on the boy sitting in the small booth in the far corner, and Jaemin takes a deep, shuddering breath. _Here goes nothing_.

Jeno smiles softly when he sees Jaemin approaching, and scoots over to give him some space on the small sofa. This isn't meant to be a two people booth. Jaemin wonders if Jeno knows that. Regardless, he squeezes next to Jeno, the hair on his arm rising as it comes in contact with Jeno, and Jaemin can feel the buzz under his skin.

"That was a long line," Jeno says, grabbing the drink that Jaemin holds out to him, "You have class only in fifteen minutes, no?"

Jaemin's trying to focus on what Jeno's saying, he really is. But all his brain seems to be pivoting on is how close they're sitting, Jeno's fingers subliminally drumming on Jaemin's knee, his eyes trained on Jaemin's face as he struggles to form words.

"It's fine," he finally manages to say, "That class is pretty close, and the prof's usually ten minutes late himself."

Jeno hums in acknowledgement, finally turning to look down at the table instead of Jaemin. Jaemin sighs softly, bringing his straw to his lips and taking a sip. Out of the corner of his eye, he watches as Jeno does the same, pausing for a second. "Huh," he says, "It also smells flowery, somehow." Jaemin almost shudders in trepidation, but Jeno carries on as if it was just an interesting observation, but not one worth thinking too deeply about.

"It's good," he remarks, "I actually like this better than peaches themselves."

"You don't really like peaches though," Jaemin says as an after thought, "I'm surprised you also wanted the peach smoothie."

"Oh," Jeno says, and his lips pull up in a bright smile, "It's because you like them."

Jaemin could faint. This is another reason why he loves Jeno — how he manages to say things like this as if it's obvious, and it's perfectly normal, as if he isn't sending Jaemin's heart into overdrive and his brain through a whirlwind of thoughts — but even so, the raw honesty never fails to take Jaemin by surprise.

"I— oh, I see," he says finally. Jeno just smiles at him heartwarmingly, and takes another sip.

"You need to leave now if you want to make it in time," he reminds Jaemin, who nods, feeling a wave of disappointment pulling at him as he shifts away from Jeno, his warmth disappearing. Jeno follows Jaemin and gets up, and they leave Boosters.

"It ends at six, right?" Jeno asks, and Jaemin nods.

"Do you have an assignment you're working on?"

Jeno shakes his head. "Nope," he says, "You're the only thing on my schedule for the day."

Jaemin's head spins. "Me?"

Jeno smiles, and shrugs. "Yeah. Don't really have anything apart from walking you home planned for the day. I'll see you at six, then?"

"You're going to wait for me?" Jaemin asks, throat clogging up. Jeno looks at him, eyes shining prettily.

"I always do, don't I?"

He always does.

.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

About halfway through the class, Jaemin's mind has wandered completely off course. His professor's spewing something about distributed systems that Jaemin should definitely be listening to, but he's too far gone to care. It's been almost an hour. The potion should have started to take effect by now. Almost on reflex, Jaemin finds himself turning on his phone — as if he hasn't been doing that every two minutes for the past hour. No messages from Jeno.

_Maybe he's not the clingy type_ , Jaemin thinks, _maybe he'll do something once he actually sees me_.

The lecture seems to drag on forever, and after having lost his train of thought and not having paid attention for a good twenty minutes, Jaemin can no longer zone back into the lecture and understand what's happening. With a sigh, he shuts the cover of his laptop and pushes it into his bag, knowing it's not exactly going to help him. Pushing his seat back slightly, until he can comfortably lean forward without the desk pushing against his ribs, he crosses his hands on the table and buries his head in them, and closes his eyes. Might as well get some sleep, if both the lecture and his thoughts aren't a good place to be right now.

He's shaken awake from a hazy dream, and he vaguely registers the quiet that surrounds him. “Nana?”

He looks up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, and his lips curl into a smile when he sees the familiar crescent shaped eyes. “Jeno-yah!”

Jeno smiles at Jaemin fondly. “If you were going to sleep in class anyways, might as well have gone home and slept in your bed. I got so worried, be glad I knew what class it was and found you.”

Jaemin stands up, stretching his hands over his head, breathing out a content breath as he hears the clicks as his muscles relax. “Mhm,” he mumbles, bending down to sling his bag over his shoulders, “Sorry. I was planning to listen to the lecture, but my mind drifted off.”

Jeno smiles, and once Jaemin’s fallen into step with him, they’re walking out of the empty classroom. “Penny for your thoughts?”

Jaemin peers at him curiously. Nothing about Jeno _looks_ different. Jaemin isn’t sure if he’s supposed to see a difference — perhaps he should have asked Renjun about what the potion changes in a person.

“Penny for yours?” Jaemin pries, leaning in a little to get a better look at Jeno’s expression. Nothing changes — he doesn’t get flustered, doesn’t blush. Nothing. A balloon deflates in Jaemin’s chest. Wouldn’t Jeno do that, if the love potion was working? For the amount of times Jaemin has to hide his blushes and the amount of practice that has taken, there’s no way Jeno’s hiding anything.

Jeno looks at him curiously. Then, he ventures, “You.”

Jaemin stops short. “ _What_?”

Jeno smiles. “I was wondering what I’m going to do with you. If I hadn’t found you today, you’d have slept through until late.”

Jaemin huffs. “I would’ve figured something out. Besides, I’ve got you.”

Jeno smiles, like he always does. “Of course you have.”

He’s still making Jaemin’s heart skip a beat, like he always has. Everything about Jeno is like it always has been. He’s still unfairly perfect. And he’s still equally clueless, and equally uninterested.

“You’re thinking a lot today, Jaem,” Jeno remarks, “Are you sure nothing’s up?”

Jaemin shakes his head. “It’s fine,” he says, forcing his lips up in a smile, and hoping it doesn’t end up looking like a grimace, “I’m fine. Just tired. Walk me home?”

Jeno smiles — at this point, Jaemin wonders if the butterflies in his stomach will ever stop — and holds out his elbow in mock salute. “Your wish is my command,” he says, laughing as he reaches the last syllable. And Jaemin — silly Jaemin and his silly heart and his silly crush on his best friend — takes the hand and pretends, for a few minutes, that this is real.

.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

“Renjun,” Jaemin says, as he pushes through to Renjun’s tiny corner in the shop. The boy looks up at him in surprise, stopping midway through stacking up his materials back on the shelf before closing time.

“Hey Jaem,” he says, “Here with good news?”

Jaemin sighs, raking a hand through his hair. “No,” he says, lips pulling up in a pout, “No good news.”

“Did you not manage to slip Jeno the potion yet? I assume it must be difficult, given it has such a distinct smell.”

Jaemin shakes his head. “I _did_ do it though _._ Wait, didn’t I? Oh my god, did I give him the wrong smoothie? No, I’m pretty sure I gave the right one to him,” he says, “But it did nothing. Jeno’s acting the exact same as he always does.”

Renjun’s brows furrow. “Hm, maybe he needs a stronger dose, then,” he says, “Maybe just try slipping him all the remaining amount somehow?”

“About that,” Jaemin says, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly, “I actually slipped him the whole vial the first time.”

“Na Jaemin!”

“In my defense, I wasn’t sure I’d get another chance to discreetly slip it in, so I thought, might as well.”

Renjun sighs. “What do I do with you?”

“How—how long does it take for it take effect?” Jaemin asks him, fingers drumming against the counter subconsciously. Renjun shrugs. “Usually within the hour,” he says, “Worst case I’d give it the night. It shouldn’t take longer than that.”

“Is there— is there a possibility that it doesn’t work?”

Renjun’s smile is wary. “It can happen in rare cases,” he says, “When the person is adamant about their feelings to a point where their body rejects even magic to make them think they’re in love with you. Romantically, that is.”

Jaemin laughs a humourless laugh. “So if Jeno’s not in love with me by tomorrow, I can assume he’ll never love me, because his brain is determined to friendzone me?”

Renjun winces at how harsh the words are, but Jaemin knows Renjun doesn’t lie. Even to keep people’s hearts. “Something like that,” he mumbles, “But as I said . . . it’s really, really rare. For the few cases I know it’s happened for; the two people had been bitter enemies. I don’t see a reason for it to not work on Jeno.”

Jaemin sighs. “I guess,” he mutters, “Thanks for helping regardless, Renjun. We’ll see what happens tomorrow.”

“Jaem,” Renjun says softly, “It’ll be okay.”

Jaemin can’t help smile back. “I know.”

.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

Jeno is still the same Jeno the next day. Jaemin wakes up to his good morning text as per usual — he’s stopped setting his alarm up anyways, since Jeno’s texts come in at seven on the dot, once he leaves his gym after his daily workout. It’s a simple good morning followed by an emoji, as always. No hearts, no additional texts. Today’s emoji is the pink flower.

Nothing to indicate a change in heart. Jaemin’s heart just sinks further.

He texts a quick morning back and stumbles to the shower, knowing he has to get to the bus stop before eight forty if he wants to catch the same bus as Jeno. For a moment, he wonders if he wants to — he almost doesn’t. But it’s Jeno. Whatever the case is, even if Jeno would never love Jaemin back the way Jaemin’s heart aches for him to, he’s still Jaemin’s Jeno. His best friend. His (0,0,0,0). His always.

And so, he’s rushing out of the shower and donning his clothes, and putting on his makeup as quickly as he can. His eyes dart to the clock every two minutes, and by the time he’s done getting ready and pulling on his sneakers, the minute hand hovers dangerously overly eight thirty eight.

Jaemin _sprints_.

He sees the bus approaching just as he makes it to the bus stop, breathing ragged and feet aching, and the driver chuckles as he gives him a once over when he climbs on.

“Good job, kiddo,” he says with a grin, and Jaemin manages a polite smile before tapping his bus pass and moving to the back.

His eyes lock on to Jeno immediately. He’s wearing a black silk shirt tucked into black slacks, and Jaemin’s breath catches until he’s coughing from the lack of oxygen in his weak lungs.

_Hell_. Lee Jeno looks as beautiful as sin, and Jaemin is the collateral of a disaster.

When Jeno sees him, his smile lights up his face immediately, and if Jaemin wasn’t holding on to the railing at the top of the bus, his knees would have buckled. Slowly, gathering all his strength, he makes his way to the back where Jeno is sitting.

“Hey,” Jeno says, shifting into the seat by the window so Jaemin can take a seat next to him. Jaemin smiles gratefully, trying his hardest to catch his breath, and leans over to let go of the railing — just as the bus _lurches_.

His heart jumps to his throat as he loses his balance, arms flaying to hold on to something — anything — that would help him regain his balance and not send him crashing down the bus. Jeno’s instincts are far quicker, he’s pushing himself off the seat and wrapping his arms firmly around Jaemin’s waist and pulling him down to sit, letting him regain his balance.

He’s not fast enough, however, to seat Jaemin in his own seat, and Jaemin feels himself going beet red as he realizes he’s sitting in Jeno’s lap, hands wrapped tightly around his neck, as Jeno holds on to Jaemin’s waist.

_Disaster_ , his brain says, _but what a bewitching disaster_.

Jeno’s far from affected, and gingerly sets Jaemin down on the seat next to him, untangling his hands from his waist, but still keeping them hovering next to Jaemin’s. “You okay?” He asks softly, other arm reaching out to caress Jaemin’s hair, “That was such a scare.”

Jaemin’s heartrate is definitely not close to his resting heartrate, but he doubts now that it’s because he was almost sent flying across the bus. It has much more to do with how Jeno's almost holding on to his hand while his other hand plays with Jaemin’s hair. Jaemin can’t take this, but to Jeno, it’s nothing out of place. Once he’s realized Jaemin doesn’t seem as in shock as before, he slowly retracts his hands and places them on his own thighs.

“Not the best way to start a morning,” Jaemin says, in an attempt to calm his frenzied heart, and Jeno laughs.

“Might have something to make it better,” he says, and reaches into his bag. He pulls out a small pink rose, the stalk cut short. It seems fresh, like it’s still blooming, and Jaemin raises an eyebrow at him. Jeno grins.

“I’m assuming you aren’t keeping track of the dates anymore,” he says, “It’s March fourteenth.”

March fourteenth. White day.

Jaemin’s surprised he forgot this one. Because if fifteen year old Jaemin realized he very much did not have platonic feelings for Lee Jeno when they went to pluck peaches, eighteen year old Jaemin realized he was in love with Lee Jeno when he tucked a soft pink coloured rose behind Jaemin’s ear and assured him that he was going to shine at his piano recital, and that he’d tucked all his love and strength into the tiny flower for Jaemin.

And since then, it had become their thing. Every White Day, Jeno would turn up with a dainty pink rose and tuck it into Jaemin’s hair, telling him he’d enveloped all his love and strength for Jaemin into it.

Jaemin doesn’t know if he wants to laugh or cry at the irony.

“All my love and strength,” Jeno assures him, once he’s deemed the rose perched perfectly on Jaemin’s soft pink locks, “It looks so pretty, matching with your hair.”

_The rose_ , Jaemin reminds himself, _the rose looks pretty_.

It still steals his breath away anyways. And Jaemin wishes — so, so desperately — that this was romantic. That Jeno was doing this for the first time, and his eyes were shining as he looked at Jaemin and they held all of Jaemin’s feeling in them too — but this was Jeno. Sweet, lovely, kind Jeno. He’d been doing this for years. Nothing out of ordinary.

_Nothing_ out of ordinary.

If he wasn’t on a bus and sitting next to Jeno, Jaemin thinks he would’ve burst into tears. Jeno’s plugged in his earphones and is staring out the window, and Jaemin pulls out his own phone too.

Renjun’s messages sit on top of his notifications. _Nana, are you . . . okay? Did anything change? Do you want to talk? I can call._

Jaemin smiles. He’s grateful for Renjun, he really is. But he’ll be okay, he hopes. Not right now, not in months, perhaps not in years. It’s good to think that at least, in a way he’ll have closure, regardless of whether or not he ever moves on. Knowing that the love potion didn’t affect Jeno means that Jeno doesn’t — and can’t — think of loving Jaemin romantically, but he trusts his Lee Jeno. His best friend for twenty years. The boy who’s never given him a reason to doubt him.

Jaemin’s determined to keep him by his side, as a friend, if nothing else.

And if they’re friends, Jaemin also knows he has to tell Jeno. He can’t move on if he tries to keep it hidden from Jeno. He’ll be killing himself on the inside, and at some point, it would be too hard to bear. It’s better if he bares his heart out now.

And so, he texts Renjun. _I’ll be okay. Nothing changed. I don’t think I can move on. Not yet. But, I want to keep him, Junnie. My best friend. So I’m going to tell him._

Renjun’s reply is immediate, and short. But it makes sense. _There’s pain in beauty and love. Call me if you need an ear to listen, and I’ll be here._

Jeno takes his earplugs out as the bus approaches the university stand, and he smiles at Jaemin. It’s weird— weird that there’s a barrage of thoughts running and colliding around Jaemin’s head, with Lee Jeno featuring in all of them, and yet, Jeno has no clue. He still smiles his devastating smile, and Jaemin’s world still tilts off its axis.

“Let’s go?” He asks, and Jaemin nods, mum. He follows Jeno as they get off the bus and to the university, and he stops Jeno just as they’re about to part ways to go to their respective classes.

“Can you find time for me? At lunch? There’s something I need to tell you.”

Jeno’s eyes widen. “Is everything okay?”

Jaemin tries his best to smile. _Breathe, it’s just Jeno_.

_It’s always been just Jeno_.

“Don’t worry yourself too much,” he says softly, “Can you?”

“For you? Always.”

Another spear to heart. But Jaemin smiles. “Thanks. I’ll see you then, Jeno-yah.”

_I’ll see you then, and I hope you can take it. I hope you can still look at me like you are right now. I hope I don’t lose you because I lost myself in you. I love you, I love you, I love you._

_And I hope in whatever way, you’ll still love me too._

.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

Lunch appears quicker than Jaemin wants it to. He wants to savour the few moments of peace before his world gets thrown onto a new tangent — a tangent where his best friend knows he’s been circling in his orbit, pining, waiting, hoping, praying for seven years. A tangent where Lee Jeno can very well choose to walk away, but Jaemin’s just clutching on to the sinews of his weak heart and hoping he doesn’t. Even if Jaemin has to beg him to stay.

He spots Jeno’s built figure in his all black ensemble from a mile away, and he feels his soul leave his body. He _can’t_ do this. He _has_ to do this.

Jeno, none the wiser, smiles when he sees Jaemin, and jogs up to him. “Hey,” he says, “Want to go someplace quieter? You said you wanted to talk, the courtyard might not be the best place.”

Jaemin nods mutely, concealing the shiver that involuntarily runs down his bones when Jeno wraps his fingers around Jaemin’s wrist to pull him through the crowd and into the Computer Science building. He pulls Jaemin into a small unoccupied study space, and closes the door softly behind them.

“I’m surprised one of these were empty, we’re lucky today.”

“Lucky,” Jaemin mumbles under his breath. Jeno sets himself down on the table in front of the chair Jaemin is sitting on. So close. _Too close_. Jaemin pushes his chair back a little to put some distance between them. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Jeno. Of course it doesn’t.

“Nana, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m— give me a second, will you?”

Jeno nods. “Of course. Take your time.”

And Jaemin does. He takes his time. He rubs his hands over one another over and over again until they’re damp and sweaty, and he has to wipe them against his trousers. He takes several deep breaths to calm his heart. And then, he looks up and meets Jeno in the eyes.

“I love you.” He says. Jeno stops short for a second, before he smiles.

“I love you too, Nana,” he says, and Jaemin shakes his head.

“No, Jeno, I _love_ you.” He says, “I’ve had romantic feelings for you for seven years.”

Jeno stares. He doesn’t look surprised yet, he looks more like he’s piecing it together. Jaemin doesn’t give him a moment to breathe.

“I fell for you that day we went to the peach fields and you held my hand to make sure I wouldn’t fall. I knew I loved you when you tucked that rose in my hair before my recital. I’ve been trying to move on because you’re my best friend and I can’t lose you, and I tried so many times. Again, and again and again. And I gave it my all. And yet, my treacherous heart always made its way back to you.

It’s _always_ been you, Jeno. The first person I want to call when I’m happy, I’m sad, I’m angry, or I just need someone. I wonder what it would be like to thread my fingers with yours, lean my head against your shoulder, press my lips to yours and never let go. I’ve wondered about all that. Until you were the only thing on my mind, and I needed to do something about it. I— I slipped a love potion in your drink yesterday. It would make you fall in love with me, and you’d start seeing me in a different light and I hoped — I prayed — that even after the effects wore off, you’d be willing to keep giving us a shot.”

He pauses then, only briefly, to laugh bitterly.

“That backfired spectacularly. Because we’re one of the rare cases, when even the most potent love potion doesn’t work on you. Nothing changed — you were the same as you had been all along. Because you’ve never loved me like that, and you never will. Jeno-yah, I don’t know how to face you, but I knew I had to tell you if I wanted a chance to keep being your best friend at least. I don’t want to lose you, and I don’t want to lie to you.

I’ll— I’ll learn. I’ll learn how to love you platonically, like you love me. Can you — can you stay?”

He’s crying. Jaemin knows he’s crying. And he knows Jeno hates it when he cries, and so he turns away.

Jeno’s not said a word.

“You—” Jaemin’s voice breaks at the cusp of what he’s about to say, but it would be so, so unfair to Jeno if he doesn’t say this, and so he pulls his broken pieces together to string together the line, “You don’t have to. If it’s uncomfortable, you don’t have to stay.”

Time stretches between them like thick fog. Jaemin can’t breathe. He can’t look at Jeno. His walls cage him in, pulling closer and closer until he feels a wave of claustrophobia hit him.

And then Jeno speaks.

“I love you, Nana,” he mutters, and Jaemin feels his warm hands reach for his shoulders, and he turns Jaemin around, “Look at me. I _love_ you. As a best friend, yes, but not _just_ as a best friend. I’ve been very much in love with you for a while now.”

Jaemin’s stunned. “What?”

“I’m romantically in love with you, Na Jaemin,” Jeno says, voice barely above a whisper, “I have been, for a few years now. I— I’m so sorry I put you through seven years of pining after me, Jaemin. I didn’t know. I guess I should’ve just told you. I got greedy. If being friends was the only way to keep you, I wasn’t about to spoil that.”

His brain is in a disarray. It’s disintegrating. “But the love potion—”

At this, Jeno smiles. “The love potion was supposed to make me change by falling in love with you,” he says quietly, and with every word, he’s shifting closer, and until he’s a hairsbreadth away, “What would a love potion do when every fibre of my being was already completely, truly, sincerely head over heels for you?”

Jaemin can’t help but stare. He just stares. At the stars in Jeno’s crescent shaped eyes, at the curve of his soft pink lips, at _Jeno_. The boy he loves. The boy who loves him back.

“It’s always been you, Nana,” Jeno murmurs, his finger tracing Jaemin’s jawline tenderly, as if he wants to remember it, “ _Always_ _you_.”

And Jaemin can’t help himself closing the sliver of space between them and pressing his lips to Jeno’s. It’s soft, the kiss. An amalgamation of every emotion that Jaemin has been through in these twenty years around Lee Jeno. A disastrous supernova of emotions, of love, of the years he’s spent orbiting his planet, his Jeno, and now he’s coming crashing down like a meteorite into Jeno’s world with no intention of letting go.

They part away, both breathless, desperate, Jaemin clutching Jeno’s shirt like a lifeline, and Jeno’s hand wrapping around his waist _oh so_ _tenderly_ , like he wants to cherish this forever.

“I love you,” Jaemin says, pressing another soft kiss to Jeno’s mouth to seal the promise, “I love you so much, Lee Jeno.”

And Jeno smiles that devastating eye smile of his, and says, “I love you too, Nana. I always will.”

And then he’s leaning down again, pressing one, two, three, several kisses to Jaemin’s lips, trying to make up for the _years_ they’ve lost treading carefully around each other, and Jaemin thinks it’s alright. It’s alright that it took so long, and that it wrenched his heart out so often. All those seven years of coming back to Lee Jeno — he thinks it was worth it. Because he gets to have this at the end of all that.

He really wouldn’t have it any other way.

.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。E N D.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

**Author's Note:**

> Plot inspired by a random tumblr post! This was supposed to be . . . less than 3k words. here we are at 3am. This was, not going to lie, kind of painful to write. My heart kept breaking for Jaemin. And to think this isn't even that angsty. What happens when I write actual angsty, in that case? I don't know if I want to find out.
> 
> This fic is retweetable [here](https://twitter.com/nanasbyulie/status/1365574690522230787).
> 
> Have a lovely day/night!   
> ٩(｡•́‿•̀｡)۶


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